The Weight of Death

I believe the "Weight of Death" is for real. The reason I believe this statement is because the loss of someone that you love and miss dearly can outweigh the loss of others that you love and miss dearly. For instance, I lost my  amazing Uncle Freddie Foster and my dear cousin Terry Carpenter within the last week who are actually blood relatives that I've known since childhood. On the other end, I just lost one of my greatest friends and Marine Corps Brothers, MGySgt William "Billy" Cotton. What's interesting is that his death weighs much more heavily on me than my uncle and my cousin's deaths. In any case, I am not exactly sure why such is the case and would appreciate anyone out there who can explain why I am having this experience. 

I mean, Billy and I go back 27 years of knowing each other and simply share an elite-level brotherhood that goes far beyond just a great friendship. For whatever the reason, I have yet to process his loss nor can I shake the weight of his loss. I know I will do so in due time, but it is so difficult at the moment and I need an answer. I know my prayers about why I feel this way will be answered from Above but I would also love anyone's feedback who may have been through this and understand how to explain it to me.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey, hey, what's up out there, everybody? I'm back, your host, Greg Mack of the You Better Plan on It Podcast. You can catch me every Tuesday at 12 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. Catch me live on YouTube or catch me at one of your favorite sites and apps by going to www.ybetterplanonit podcast.budsprout.com. I appreciate it. Also, I'd like to thank Bud Sprout for helping me get my career in podcasting started. Really appreciate all your efforts and everything you've done for me. Now, with that said, let's go ahead on and move forward with a topic that's very touching for me. Very difficult topic. And the topic is titled The Weight of Death. And the reason for that topic, chosen by me to share with you, is I just learned that on last Friday, just a few days ago, a very awesome, close and dear friend and fellow Marine brother of mine, Master Gunnery Sergeant William Cotton, aka Billy Cotton, Billy C, had passed. You know, and I didn't find out on Friday. I found out on Saturday early afternoon, I believe on Saturday, my wife was looking at a post. And then she kind of yelled pretty loudly and said, Did you have you seen this? Have you seen this? And she showed me the post, you know, and she read it and she was showing it to me. And I, you know, have you have that just didn't happen that Billy had passed? You know, but what made me realize that it was legit is there was a post by his daughter Ashley. And once I seen that it was Ashley who made that post and got a chance to read that shared post, I just I went into I don't know what to do mode in a heartbeat. My energy went down to completely zero because his death weighed so heavily on me instantly that I I just didn't know what to do. I didn't have a word to say or figure out. I was stumbling and fumbling through words, and my wife was asking me, Are you okay? And I was like, I don't know, you know, because here's what's interesting. I just lost my Uncle Freddie. Freddie the Maestro Foss, as they called him, because he was so smooth, near and dear to my heart. Um, that's I think about a week ago, but he was laid to rest on just a couple days ago on Saturday, you know, and that weighed on me a fair amount. And I also learned that on Sunday, also a couple days ago, that my cousin Terry, just maybe 51, 52 years old, somewhere in that area, that I hadn't seen in quite a while, he passed away of a sudden heart attack. And that definitely hit me as well because I hadn't seen him in some years and hadn't spoken to him in quite a while because he's been in New York doing the music thing and whatever else he's doing with his family. And you know, those two deaths were like, wow. But I don't, for some reason, this passing of my good friend and brother Billy Cotton, it weighed on me quite a bit more heavily than the other two. And I and I don't know why. I mean, I've heard before that, and I never thought about it until Saturday. That the weight of death for someone you lose that you love and care about can be different than others that you lose and care about. I never really thought about it, you know, that way. But for some reason, Billy's death has sat on me and I can't shake it. You know, you know how you feel like you want to cry and you want to just cry and cry and cry, and nothing comes out. It starts where you your eyes water, your heart race picks up and everything, but you know, nothing comes out, and you're trying to figure out what is going on. You know, he and I were friends and brothers for 27 plus years. We got to know each other when we staged together, I and I staff conquered California. We shared an office together, and we did so much together. You know, and I just remember all the times where we went out and hung out, and he was DJing at a place called Tommy T's, and he actually was the reason why I met my wife. Because she was there and liked him, and I ended, but I she ended up with me, you know, but he never knew that she liked him until after the fact. But nonetheless, we we spent a lot of time together. We we did so much together, especially during our time there. I and I, and then we still spent more time together once he and I were both stationed down in the SoCal area at Camp Pendleton and Miramar, and he lived out on Oceanside, actually in the same place that he's resided in for years and years and years and years, for decades, you know, and I don't know what's going on with me. So if you don't mind sharing, if you've gone through this and you understand that somebody can explain to me, you know, that death of certain people weighs heavily on you than others, because you would think that my uncle and my cousin, who are actually relative relatives of mine, deaths will weigh heavily on me, more heavily on me than maybe Billy's, who's a friend of mine, but he is my brother. But for whatever reason, it's not the case. This one has gotten me just it just zapped my energy instantly. We were doing some things out in the yard and then gardening-wise and landscaping stuff, and I struggled all day and into the night, and you know, I I tried to go to sleep, and I think I went to bed probably around 2.30 or something to three, and then, you know, on that Sunday I got up and, you know, just just worn out, you know, and trying to figure it out. And he stayed on my mind, and he's been on my mind and been on my mind and been on my mind, you know, and I don't know why this one is so much heavier than I can imagine, you know, and I I've got my prayers in, and I know God works differently for everybody. So I will know when the time comes what is what and why this is weighing on me. But if there are those of you out there, you know, go to my webpage and send me a message, send me some feedback on, hey, Mac, I've been through this, and the reason why this happens and the weight is on you in this manner and not like it is in other situations as heavily is because of this, this, and this. If you know and you can share it, or you can tell me about it, or tell all of us about it, please, because I'm trying to figure it out. And it hasn't worked for me yet, trying to figure it out now. Um, I love that dude. That was that was my dude right there. That's Billy C. And we just go back so far, and we've gotten so much closer and closer and closer as the years have grown. And he's a biker guy, you know, president of his own chapter. Um, and then to his family, his two beautiful daughters that we shared a connection early in their lives, his young teenagers, you know, Brittany and Ashley. And now they're beautiful grown young ladies doing their thing. Um, Ashley has married, and I know that she has a husband. I believe his name is Travis, and the son-in-law, and then they have two beautiful young baby boys, uh, Billy's grandkids, man, and he talked about his family all the time, you know. We both talk about a family, but he had more conversations about his to talk about, share with me because my grandkids are a bit older. I do have two young ones, younger ones, but they're a little older. You know, he had two grandbabies. He would post pictures or send me pictures or show me pictures and stuff, and we do FaceTime and we talk and chat about it. And man, he was so proud of his family, his daughters. Um Brittany and Ashley, the times that we spent together. They are amazing, beautiful young ladies doing great things in life, and you know, and you know, and to have him not here to watch those grandbabies of his grow up. Well, Billy, I tell you, I got your back, man. I I will I will help watch over them as they grow up and I'll have conversations with you, man, because you you were my boy. I mean, we had a bond that's just unbreakable, man. And to know that he's no longer here, it is just devastating for me, and I cannot process it right now. I still, several days later, am unable to process it, but I know I will in due time. But to his family, I love you guys, and under the circumstances, I know that I haven't seen you in quite a few years, you know, not since you were young teenagers, and now you're grown ladies and families and doing your thing. I, as I promise, you know, I intend to be at his services because I want to honor him with you, and I want to see you guys, all of you, because there's so many of you haven't seen, especially Brittany and Ashley. I haven't seen you in many years. And now there are two baby boys in there and a hubby, and other family and friends, and bikers, and people that I've never met. I look forward to seeing them when I get down there and sharing and celebrating Billy's life. Because we're not gonna go down there and be sad. We're gonna go down there and celebrate. We're gonna get our boogie on just like Billy would get his boogie on. Because I'm telling you, when it's all said and done, I believe that he left this earthly area for greener pastures in heaven. And I plan to get there and join him in celebration. So, whatever you do, make sure you get there too, man. Because I tell you, man, that this guy was something special. His legacy, his life, the way he treated people, the way he cared about people, the way he cared about his family, the leadership he displayed during our Marine Corps days. You know, he's just a bond that can never be separated from anyone who's gotten to know him and be a part of his life. And I'm proud of him. I miss him dearly. And again, you know, I can't shake it. I can't even get my cry on yet, and I don't know why. I I don't, I'm, I still haven't fully processed it yet. And I know things take time, but I thought, you know, hey, I might be able to just go forth, and I and I cannot go forth yet. So at some point, I know the good Lord will push it through me and it'll come out when it needs to come out. And maybe it might not come out until I get down there with everyone else, and we celebrate his life and his homegrown service. But the one thing that I do know is watching him come up through the Marine Corps and watching him with his family and watching him with his leadership and the things that he's done. He is a special person to me, and I appreciate the things that he did for me. There were times when I just needed a shoulder to lean on and that brother was there. There were times when I needed somewhere to stay, you know, and that brother was there, and vice versa, you know. You know, and to his family, I know the hurt and the pain is there, and it's just one of those things where at some point we all go through it, but I know you ladies in that family are strong, and you will be a you will share a bond that will always keep you going forward. And I promise you, to those of you out there who are going through the same thing, um I call it the You Better Plan on It podcast. Why? Because you better plan on it, because anything can happen at any given time, you know, and for me, having a plan every day gives you an opportunity to go from point A to point B and get back home safely and efficiently as possible. But I always know that even though we can do that to mitigate any situations happening beyond our control, to the best of our abilities, God always has a different plan. And I know Billy was expecting to make it home, but God said, Well done. Good and faithful servant, well done. And he called him home. And I believe that in my heart that he's in paradise. When this thing is over said and done, he will be in paradise. He just will be waiting to join the other ranks. So don't fret, frown, or fear for Billy's life, because he's gonna be alright. I know we all love him and miss him dearly. And for everyone out there, you know, tell your family every time, you know, before you leave, when you get home that you love them. Because you never know when it's your time to be called home. Now, I'm gonna close by saying thank you for allowing me to share this with you. It's very painful, very difficult. And again, I'm still trying to process the whole situation. And I know the family's doing the same thing because it's just something that, you know, for me, this is just weighing on me. It's the weight of death is the topic. And for me, going through this, I just do not know exactly what to do at this point because of the weight of this particular death. But I do know one thing, in due time, I'll be okay, and so will you. So take care of yourselves out there. Again, check me out every Tuesday at 12 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. You can catch me live again on YouTube or go to one of your favorite sites and check me out by going to www.youbetterplan on the podcast dot budsprout.com. I will appreciate it. If you follow me, subscribe, check me out. I got much more to come. This was just something different that I needed to somewhat get off my chest, that's still on my chest, but just to put it out there because Brittany, Ashley, son-in-law, grandkids of Billy's, I love you guys. I love that family. Many of you haven't met yet, and I intend to meet you, and I'm looking forward to it, despite the fact that it will be a funeral service. But you know what? We're gonna celebrate. I promise you that. And I will promise you this. I will not lose touch with you like we've lost touch. I will keep in touch with you. I will tell you I love you. I will send you messages to check in on you, and we already gonna be okay. Now, with that said, always remember out there a plan that succeeds is a plan that can fulfill one's needs. God bless you. Take care. Love you all. We'll chat soon. Simplify.